“Best laid plans…” right?
I work at a High School. I was scheduled to be a chaperone on the 2015 April Vacation (Spring Break) trip to Ireland. I get to travel for free and we’d have to pay her way, so we made the plans originally thinking that we’d leave my pregnant wife at home.
Now, the thought of leaving her alone was terrible. I was considering calling it all off. Our families worked behind our back to put up the funds for Robin to come with us. Emotions running high, we profusely thanked everyone! I’m not a firm believer in luck, but…c’mon…Ireland…
We went to Blarney Castle during our tour of the Emerald Isle. The grounds of the tower are idyllic and simply amazing. In the gardens, there is an area known as “The Wishing Steps.” Care to guess what we wished for?
We got back to the USA with a new outlook and a renewed dedication. Boston IVF was doubling the amount of one of the drugs that Robin was taking and they were trying a different selection technique on the sperm cells as well. The procedure is known as PICSI.
“PICSI is a technique that simulates the natural selection of mature sperm. The principle of this method is the cultivation of mature sperm in a specially treated dish, to which a gel containing hyaluronan is applied. The sperm selected are then used for micro-manipulative fertilisation.”
Manhood levels = all time low. That’s saying a lot. I’ve been in musical theater for many years and I’ve never had an issue feeling “Manly” or “Masculine”. Being told that the MDs need to do all of this crazy wild stuff to make this work was tough. It’d be worth it though, right?
We started the 3rd cycle in late Spring. By the end of it, Robin had close to 20 individual 25mm Egg Cells sitting in her abdomen. She was NOT a happy camper. “It’ll all be worth it. It’ll all be worth it. It’ll all be worth it.”
July 25th. The day of her pregnancy test, Robin is bleeding. We’re sure it’s negative. We call Boston IVF and ask what to do. They say to come in anyway…
When we got back home, I called my Dad and told him about the bleeding and that we were resigned to the fact that it was all over.
DIGRESSION: To describe my relationship with my Dad, I’d use words like “Complicated” or “Interesting”. We love each other a great deal, without question; it’s just that we are often so similar that we butt heads. For many years, all we did was scream at one-another. A lot of that changed when we faced down his mortality a few years back. I’m happy to say that the good Doctor and I are in a good place now.
My Dad talked me down and said something that made me break down. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll adopt or do something else. You and Robin need to be parents.”
“Thanks, Doc…” was all I could manage.
Of course, It turns out that the pregnancy test was positive.
Cautious Optimism. Careful positivity. Nervous Energy. Robin and I wanted to enjoy this. We wanted to share it with everyone…
Every test, every ultrasound we were on pins and needles. It was nearly unbearable.
Saturday morning, September 19th. Week 11. At 4:00am, Robin woke me in a panic. She was bleeding…a lot…
I paged her OB’s office and they told us to get to the ER ASAP. We ran to South Shore Hospital and they put us into a room immediately. They are going to do an Ultrasound, but the tech won’t be there until around 8am. I call my Dad (Robin works for him and is due in at 9am) We’re pretty much resigned to the fact that this is over. We were both exhausted and emotional.
They wheeled Robin into the ultrasound suite. The young woman started the Ultrasound and in the first 5 seconds said “We have a heartbeat…” The baby is fine. The tech indulged us for a bit and we got to see the little one move for the first time. Apparently, Robin had a small hematoma that was right near the opening of the cervix. No harm, no big deal at all. I looked at Robin after the tech left thee room and said, “I’m gonna cry now, ok?” We both cried. It was ok.
I told the world on that we were having a baby on Robin’s 40th Birthday.
“I love being a brother. My Brothers and Sisters are some of the most important people in my life.
I love being a son. I strive to make my parents and step-parents proud.
I love being a husband. Y’all already know how I feel about Robin.
Guess what? I think I’m gonna love being a father, too.
This person is scheduled to move in with us in early April 2016.
Nothing I have done matters anymore. All that matters now is what’s gonna happen when that little giant joins us. My stomach is in a perpetual free-fall. I can barely think most days. The last two months have been really tough. Anxiety, stress, and the sheer – screaming joy of anticipation were at constant war. Now we exhale a little bit and go meet with more Doctors, nurses, teachers and friends. All we know is that we know nothing and that we are excited and scared! We’re going to try to do what all of you moms and dads do every day: be the best parents ever. Wish us luck!
I’ll save you the comment – ‘It’s about damn time!’ “ – Anthony Emma 9/21/15