I’m willing to bet that everyone that reads this knows someone who has had a miscarriage. Studies say that 10%-25% of of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Statistics. Studies. Facts. Figures.
If you’ve never been there, it’s hard to describe. We knew that it was possible. We knew that it was even probable. We are both older humans. IVF pregnancy is tricky too. It doesn’t make it easier.
Now we had to tell folks. I called my mom and my dad. I asked them to tell anyone else who knew. I told my brothers and sisters. Hell’s Bells, that sucked.
Of course, It’s not done after the doctor tells you that the fetus didn’t make it and you have to tell your Mom that she isn’t getting the Grandchild she’s been wishing for. Oh no. The trauma has to be physical as well. Robin had to have a D & C the Monday after we got the news.
“Dilation and Curettage is a brief surgical procedure in which the cervix is dilated and a special instrument is used to scrape the uterine lining.” – WebMD
Sounds horrible because it is. It’s painful and traumatic. Robin is an astounding woman. I don’t think that I could have been as strong as she was.
(folks, I’m going to do a whole post about Pregnancy Loss and Miscarriage later on. We don’t talk about it enough and it’s a topic that I feel strongly about. I have some great resources. If you need some help, drop me a line)
Some of the hardest stuff for me was watching the people who knew what happened walk around on eggshells around me. The look on my Mom and Dad’s faces. My brothers and cousins were really upset too. We were a little bit lost for a lot of the winter. It was really hard.
Our doctor at Boston IVF ran pathology on the tissue to see if we could suss out the root cause. We certainly weren’t going to do another cycle if there was a larger chance at being back there again.
At the next appointment, the doctor laid it out for us in plain English. Trisome. One of the chromosomes created an extra copy of itself. The fetus basically shuts down when it realizes that it can not be viable. Completely normal. Nothing caused by IVF or other outside influence. Best case scenario. We asked him if he thought we should do another cycle.
“I already have the protocol ready to go. I know exactly what we’re doing!” He said.
OK then. We decided to wait until the summer. We had some healing and reflection and travelling to do first.
I took another look at the lab results. It was a girl. We gave her a name (Sorry folks, that one’s just for us)
I wrote her a note that I keep in my phone. I didn’t tell anyone about it. Not even Robin.
Now seems like a good time.
”I’m sorry that we never got to meet. I think we could have learned a lot from each other. I’m not sad anymore. I’m not angry. I’m ready to move on. We’re going to try again. Maybe your brother or sister can join our little family. Maybe it’ll just be me and your Mom. I kinda hope that maybe we’ll find one another the next time around. I Love you, little girl.” – Dad. February 1st 2015